Twenty-Nine Years Later

Another birthday has passed me by. I'm older now. Wiser too.  

Okay, so....really, so far being 29 is way different than being older and wiser.

This picture perfectly depicts my current life situation. These days I am feeling drastically pulled between two very different life experiences. I have so much joy and anticipation for our big relocation to Vancouver Island. So much so, that one would think I packed my bags months ago. For some reason, however, I just can't manage to get myself to do it. I am excited to start a new life with my little family. I am overjoyed that I will be near close friends and family. I am ecstatic that I have nieces and nephews to get to know. I am over the moon to have my children and husband in Esperanza with me. My heart soars with gladness to experience fellowship and worship in an english-speaking environment again.

On the other hand I am deeply grieving. 

I wish I could say that I was heavy in my heart for leaving Norway, but it's more self-centred than that. I am deeply disturbed by what year 29 has brought me. As we've been giving away all of our things, I have given away all of my children's baby clothes because we don't plan on having any more. That's a big deal! Part of packing also means getting rid of my clothes that don't fit me, which would be 90% of them. That puts a huge damper on things. I am grieving the loss of my pre-baby body, (even though I was never satisfied with that one either, I would take that one back in a heart beat) the one that didn’t get stretched, pulled and harbour two little ones. I also now wear glasses. Gulp! To top it off, I found a grey hair. What?! Growing older has snuck up on me and it's harder to accept than I thought. 

Okay--so that was all very superficial and petty, but it is part of my reality for now. It's a luxury to complain about such things when there are more serious things in this world that we should concern ourselves with. I don't have the time or energy to divulge into deeper grievances, but when we meet in person, I can share with you the other (more serious) pulls of my heart.